the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
