don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We're too hungover to prance.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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