I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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