Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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