If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
COCAINE IS GR8
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
