That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
