Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
