I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
