You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
