wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
