Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just want to make out with him forever
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
