youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
