I'm laying in your front yard are you home
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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