Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
