using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
