I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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