she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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