You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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