I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
