I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
