Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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