I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
