I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
