____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Houston, we have a blender
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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