you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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