at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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