also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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