dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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