He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
