at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
