I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
