wrigley field is MILF paradise
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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