Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
