guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
no. you can't hotbox the world.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
