Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When did angry sex become our thing?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
