You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
