i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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