I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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