Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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