Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
