She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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