i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
They are going to name an STD after you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
