you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
