you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
