I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
