She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
whose parrot is this?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
