found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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