apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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