you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
