Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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