I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Randomize
