Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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